Parents, or rather adults in general, have the bad mania of scaring young children, mainly in order to make them obey more. Almost always asking them and talking to them from the blackmail we release phrases like: 'You are going to be alone and the police will come to pick you up' or 'Let's go now, they are going to turn off all the lights' or like' I'm going to take you to the bathroom. the rats'. And so, you may have heard as many phrases as parents have imagination. And worst of all, unfortunately these messages do not help the educational development of the child.
In fact, quite the opposite. The consequences of using this strategy in the education of children can be harmful. And, ultimately, what we get are fearful, insecure children, with low self-esteem and little self-acceptance.
And so that you can see what I mean by the consequences of this mania that some parents have for scaring their children, I am going to tell you about my experience with Pablo, a boy I was working with.
His parents called me concerned and brought him to see their case. The reason for the parents' anguish was due to the fact that, from the transition from the infantile stage to primary school, Pablo had developed fear and I cried every time I went to school.
The boy told me with his words that he got very nervous when he went to school; that he was uneasy. I spoke with the parents in case there were any other symptoms that could make us think that the little one was suffering from some type of bullying or some shock. But according to what they told me, there were no references, so I tried to find other possible reasons that were causing this fear.
So, the next step was to talk more calmly with Pablo. I started to ask him and found out part of his fear. Pablo is, at the moment, an only son and only grandson, which makes him receive the attention of his family at all times.
Two months after finishing the early childhood education stage, the parents and grandparents (surely they did not decide jointly, but they did so) began to talk with the child about the change from stage to primary school. The advice they repeated the most was related to precautions to take in the new school for everything that was going to be found there: 'be careful that you go to the elder's school', 'be careful with the older children who are bad', 'don't mess with anyone in the yard', 'you will have to defend yourself from get hit ',' you have to be good ', etc.
Obviously, Pablo encountered some terrifying messages that they scared her enough not to want to go to school; he was terrified. After this, we worked with the parents to change the discourse and that is how Pablo began to remove his fears and go to school happily like any child.
What can this little experience with Pablo teach us? Explain that alerting your child to new scenarios that may be encountered, it is not done through fear. The consequences of doing so can lead to:
- That the child develops insecurity and stops trusting himself.
- That our son is creating a problem of low self-esteem.
- And that, like Pablo, they develop fears (and even phobias in certain cases) that make them suffer both before and at the moment when they have to face the situation in question that distresses them.
Therefore, we must monitor the comments we make to children (many times we do not even realize the repercussions they can have on them). In this case, the best way to act is to help the child acquire someresources that allow you to face this situation. Even in some cases when possible, visualizing what to find can be a good idea.
You can read more articles similar to The hateful mania of parents to scare children into obeying, in the Fears on Site category.