They are many the unconscious messages we pass on to children every day without even realizing it. And it is very likely that all these thoughts were previously transmitted to us by our parents, also involuntarily. The problem is that all these concepts can be very harmful for both parents and children. In the first place, because they appear veiled and, therefore, it is more difficult to notice them. But also because they can have consequences and become fears that will prevent our children from facing life with confidence and high self-esteem. But what are these messages?
All attentive to this list of phrases. What do they suggest?
- It is not okay to make mistakes.
- It is not okay to have needs.
- It is not okay to have feelings of identity.
- It is not okay to be too practical or too happy.
- It is not okay to feel comfortable in the world.
- It is not okay to trust yourself.
- It is not okay to depend on someone for anything.
- It is not okay to be vulnerable or to trust someone.
- It is not okay to assert yourself.
Unless our parents were highly developed and conscious human beings, I am afraid they have transmitted some messages to us unconsciously. And it is that the childhood of before, is not the one of now, for all of us who were born in the 70s or 80s, the concept of emotional intelligence did not exist, with which, our parents are forgiven.
However, for all those parents who were born later and who have access to the technologies and the development of the age of knowledge, not taking for granted on issues like this is something more serious. But effectively, you will decide when is the time to learn to teach your child. The time to learn so as not to transmit these messages to the children.
Although our parents have given us their best from love and on behalf of it, surely we have received some of these messages, and as adults aware of this today, we have the obligation to cut this chain of messages from one generation to another.
And to stop transmitting these messages unconsciously, I propose make some small reflections: Which of the messages described above affects you especially? How do you want to avoid passing it on to your child? Because if you have one or more of these messages that have determined your personality, and your partner has others ... what are you transmitting to your child?
By spending part of your time thinking about it, you will become aware of these messages. And that is the first step in trying to eliminate them from your life (and that of your children). This is very important becausethese messages may be accompanied by a fear. And this, indeed, would affect the development of our children, their self-esteem and the recognition of identity.
The most frequent fears can be any of the following:
- Fear of being bad.
- Fear of being imperfect.
- Fear of not being worthy of love.
- Fear of being despicable.
- Fear of being unimportant.
- Fear of not having an identity.
- Fear of lacking support.
- Fear of being helpless.
- Fear of being caught in pain.
- Fear of being harmed by others.
- Fear of being controlled by others.
- Fear of being worthless.
And what can we do to avoid it? To compensate for these fears, we will surely create a basic need for ourselves. And to know what your main need is, you can complete this sentence:
'If I had X (eg love, security, peace, quiet, etc.), everything would be great.'
And from this need, you will discover the consequences that have led to fear.
To end this article I would like to appeal once again to something that I think is essential in the education of children: the importance of taking care of ourselves, the parents, in order to take care of our children. If we do not care about ourselves, we will not be able to face the education and raising of our children in a healthy and happy way. Therefore, we cannot overlook the importance of loving ourselves to love ...
But not only this need for care is necessary, we must also take into account the importance of being more aware as educators. And you are?
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