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Adolescence is a stage full of profound transformations, not only in the bodies and minds of our children, but also in that relationship that we have had with them until now. But why? What drives teens to withdraw and have a less fluid relationship with their family? How does the adolescent's communication with his family change?
To make it as less difficult as possible, it is necessary for parents to be prepared and informed. Next I will tell you about the main reasons why the adolescent you need to distance yourself from your family and what changes in communication are we going to observe.
Adolescence is characterized by being a stage in which our children go through different changes: physical, cognitive, emotional and relational. Is about a time of transition to adult life in which the adolescent turns inward and distances himself from those who until today have been his main and most important reference figures, his parents. A phase of certain imbalance in which our sons and daughters tend to feel intense personal, social, ethical and moral concerns.
His feelings, now more than ever on the surface, they generate great emotional ups and downs in them. Both they and we, their parents, see how they go from the most vivid enthusiasm to apathy, frustration, anger or sadness in just a few hours.
It is also the moment of that first love and in which they begin to discover their sexuality. Friends become his main role models, your sources of information and your loyal confidants, people your age with whom you will develop strong bonds of friendship and with whom you will want to spend as much time as possible.
So that the adolescent seeks and needs solitude to think above all that which now worries and feels, while trying to put in order a tangle of thoughts, sensations and beliefs that cognitive development, which begins in this vital stage, allows him to carry out.
Taking into account all that has been said, as parents we must be prepared to face the changes in communication that are going to take place.
Because we are likely to observe how our child isolates himself, locking himself in his room, seeming to avoid us or not want to talk to us. They may refuse to accompany us on a visit or family outing that we have scheduled. It can even happen to be ashamed that your friends see you somewhere in our company.
Faced with these types of changes in communication and in the relationship it is important that we respect him, that we leave him space, that we do not intimidate or overwhelm you with questions. Otherwise he will feel invaded and investigated, fostering in him an attitude of withdrawal. So we will get the opposite result from what we intended, that is, instead of being able to establish a fluid dialogue we will find ourselves with a wall of silence or with cutting answers.
It is a stage in which discussions tend to occur more frequently by the adolescent's need to assert himself and the fear of parents to lose control and authority over their children. A bad combination that makes communication even more difficult, already complicated by the particular characteristics that surround adolescence and that we have discussed.
In short, the adolescent has begun to walk towards the adult world looking for his identity, his own way of being and doing, with his goals and priorities. To get it he needs to distance himself from the child who was, and therefore from his parents.
In reality, although it may seem so to us from the way they behave, it is not a real or total break with us. But we must understand this distancing as a transformation. It is nothing more than a change, a readjustment, a new way of relating necessary for our children to achieve their independence to face adult life with the maturity and responsibility that it requires.
To all this it is important that parents respond with a vote of confidence no matter how difficult it may be, without losing sight of the fact that we are the ones who set the limits and the rules to guarantee family coexistence.
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