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There are many issues that we face as parents of children who are reaching adolescence; some complex, others simpler, but all exciting and challenging.
It is the stage in which we see our little children gradually become the adults they will be and look for their place in the world: we see them discover what their passions will be, their vocation, the friendships that will become dear and of course know the magic of the love for the first time. We talk about our son's first teenage love: How will it affect him? We can help you?
These pfirst teenage romances will be significant in their lives because:
- They will constitute in many cases, a frame of reference for your future relationships.
- They may help or on the contrary affect their self-esteem and the way they see themselves.
- They may signify your first sexual experience and have an impact on your security, confidence and perception of what intimacy means.
- Their state of mind, their communication with us, their way of relating on a social level with their friends and perhaps even the activities they are or are not interested in doing, among others, will depend on the intensity and type of relationship they live.
As parents we would like to ensure that this first love will be something wonderful and positive in their lives and avoid any regret or bad taste in their mouth in case we see that things are not going in the right direction; But, nobody but them will be the ones to make the decisions and experience all the emotions that come with them.
However, there are many things we can do from our position to be close, support them and show them that they count on us:
1. Since they are little it is very important, promote good communication with our children; make them participants of our experiences and our emotions, hoping that they can do the same with us. We should not wait until they are young to try to then magically tell us in detail about the experiences of their first loves.
2. Talk to them about what a love relationship it should mean in terms of satisfaction and well-being, and, on the contrary, what it should not be in terms of violence, physical, verbal or psychological, as well as the ways to respond in case of facing any of them.
3. Lead by example. If we interact as a couple in an aggressive and violent way, even though we try to teach them what to look for in a partner, it will be much easier for them to follow our example more than our words.
4. Set rules. When our children start a relationship, it is convenient to establish days and times for visits and outings, as well as any other rule that we consider relevant to avoid future conflicts.
5. Do not pass judgment on them. We must be careful how we express ourselves about our child's partner; even if there are details that do not seem entirely acceptable to us. It is better to try to subtly make them notice or ask them directly how they felt about a certain situation.
6. Don't underestimate your feelings and your emotions. We must remember that at this stage young people live everything with great intensity, especially when it comes to first love. Let's never underestimate their enthusiasm or sadness for a love, or let us blurt out phrases like “it's not that bad” or “I don't know why you get like this”; We could better say, "I imagine it must be difficult, but at some point it will pass and you know you can always count on me."
7. Do not prohibit outright and without sufficient bases a relationship. We know that what is forbidden is what is most desired. Being arbitrary to prohibit them from dating a certain person, without sufficient bases, will only generate negative feelings, resentment and possibly bring them closer. Let us try not to be blunt with a prohibition of relationship with our children unless there are serious factors occurring. Instead let's help them discover the kind of effects that relationship is having on their lives closely, hoping they can make the best decision.
8. Let them know that we will always be there to support them and guide them when they need us. Sometimes we think they know it, but it doesn't hurt to let them know that they always count on us and our advice.
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