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"Mom, do you know what happened to me at school today? ... well, my friend Martina in the yard ..., but mommy ... look at me ... is that Martina was with Unai ..., look at me mom, for favor….."
Hasn't it ever happened to you that your son or daughter wants to tell you something and also ask for your look? What they really want is that we put our five senses at their disposal, that we look at them without diverting our attention, that we listen to them from curiosity, that we do not interrupt their speech with any other topic, that we enjoy that sharing, isn't that much what they ask, right? We must stop to think about the importance of listening to our children.
It is true that we always have many things to do, that we go on the run every day, that our life is very busy, that we have no time to lose, but with our children, time passes, and it happens only once. What we do not do in that present moment, it is very likely that it will not return, and if it does return it will not be the same.
What they really want is for us to be, what ESTEMOS from the verb ESTAR, with our authentic presence, which is how we say in coaching, that we are 100%.
Once I heard Víctor Küppers the following phrase: “listening implies generosity”… and that phrase really enchanted me and with that word, with the word generosity, I think everything that involves a great active listening is defined. Generosity because it is thinking about him or her, and not about me and my things.
It's fundamental sow good communication with our children in the first years of life, an adequate dialogue of listening, of respect, of sharing, that they find the pleasure of that "tell us", so when they grow up and be somewhat older, we will have a good foundation and the task will be to continue in that line, always respecting their stages development as well as their characteristics, since what a 6-year-old has, is very different from what a 14-year-old has or shares.
Below, I offer you some guidelines and advice so that this listening is full and from generosity:
Clean listening: Eliminate distracting thoughts that may interfere with giving your full attention to what your son or daughter is telling you at the moment. Forget household chores, forget pending calls ... If a distracting thought comes to your mind, be strong, be stronger than your mind and invite it to quit. It is not impossible, it is a matter of practice.
Use appropriate and correct language with your son or daughter. You are his mother or father, you are not his colleague or friend. If you stop being his mother or father, to become his friend, you will leave him an orphan, as the Juvenile Judge of Granada, Emilio Calatayud, always tells us.
Listen to understand, not to respond. When my daughter tells me what happened at school, she wants me to listen to her, not for me to suddenly take advantage of the situation and ask her how the day was or if she learned a lot of mathematics today.
Then paraphrase what he has told you, adding emotion. They love that; they love to hear their own story, their own tale, in the words of their mother or father. In this way we are also telling them that we have understood, that we have listened to them, that they are important to us.
Don't do anything other than listen: do not be with your mobile or tablet, do not do homework ... the most important thing now is to listen to what your son or daughter wants to tell you at that moment.
Be grateful for what they tell you, feel lucky or lucky and so let him know.
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