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'My mom would like me to ...'. This is one of the sentences that children must complete in one of the tests that psychologists do to find out their feelings and attitudes regarding certain topics.
As a clinical and educational psychologist, I have applied the test to many children from preschool to primary school and it has always caught my attention that a large percentage of them complete the sentence with statements regarding their grades: "My mother would like me to: get a ten." Pay attention because this is going to surprise you: find out what your child thinks you want from him.
Speaking of grades, something that usually happens is that when children give us their tests or their report card, Instead of congratulating them on what went well, the first thing we do is focus on what they failed or in the subjects in which they lowered their grades and fill them with recommendations: "look, you did not read the instruction well", "you missed studying more", "this surely you did in a hurry", "you must reinforce mathematics", "your spelling is very bad ”… etc.
Many children try hard, but obviously they don't always succeed and they live feeling that they do not meet the expectations that are had of them, becoming very aware of his faults, but not of his abilities.
Of course our intentions are the bestWe want them to strive and achieve the best results, only sometimes we cannot make them understand the real scope of this desire. On the other hand, there are children who, although they make an effort, do not succeed as they may be going through learning difficulties and are frustrated to see that the expected "ten" never comes, nor the congratulations that come with it, until they stop trying .
Here are some tips to help our children understand what really matters to us:
1. Let's try to talk less about grades and more about effort: “It doesn't matter if you don't get a 10, what really matters is how hard you tried”… usually effort comes with good results, so that's the essential.
2. Let's be realistic about what we expect: For certain children a 7 or an 8 can really mean an achievement, let's adjust our expectations and value their effort beyond the number.
3. Focus first on what they did well: When our children show us a test or a ballot, let's first focus on what they did well, their achievements, their good answers, the demonstrated skills and make them aware of it, let's celebrate with warm congratulations. In this way we help them to increase their security, to become aware of their strengths and to continue striving. Second, ideally after a while, let's move on to the recommendations on the points to improve without overwhelming them and being very clear.
4. Help them expand their hobbies: If our child is not academically successful enough despite trying, let's help him discover other settings where he can feel more secure, such as sports, social service activities, crafts, etc.
5. Let's stay close to their academic processes and we are available to help them when they need it.
And going back to my experience applying the incomplete sentences test ... Once in a while a boy or girl has surprised me with a wonderful:
- My mother would like me to: "be happy."
Sometimes it is not easy to get them to be clear about what deep down we want as parents when we have to go through life setting limits and telling them what they should and should not do, that is why it is important to ask ourselves how they live the expectations and wishes we have for them.Let's relax a bit and let them see what really matters to us.
What response would you like to hear?
You can read more articles similar to What your child thinks you want from him, in the On-site Learning category.
