There are two types of parents: those who think that any aggression by their child (physical or verbal), even in self-defense, is wrong and those who think it depends on context and 'history'. That is to say: those who completely reject any type of violence and those who accept 'some violence' as a defense. However, here comes the question: how much is 'acceptable violence'? At what point do we start to worry?
Here is a guidance system to know if your child is too aggressive. It is a violent meter to mediate violence against children.
Some children are more violent than others. That is a fact. Good because they do not control their emotions adequately, because they have external problems, because they need to attract attention ... There are many causes that make a child more aggressive. Their parents often have this question: when is it worrying? At what point do I need to ask the experts for help?
With this table, a violent meter to measure child violence, we explain how you can orient yourself and find out if your child urgently needs help to improve his behavior. Remember that it is a guideline, and that only an expert will be able to determine in the end how you can help your child manage his emotions correctly. These are the different degrees of violence that can occur in children:
1. Violence is present, and it will increase. Violence usually begins with small gestures and in a subtle way. Suddenly the child, still small, raises his hand to his father, and he is frozen, without reacting. The child decides that he can repeat it. Nobody stopped him. It is time to make things clear and reproach the child for these actions. This stage is characterized by:
- The child uses jokes and hurtful words to other children.
- Masterfully uses lies. He is able to accuse another child of his 'mischief' and evade punishment.
- Begins to ignore or 'go blank' other children.
- Throws objects at home, has violent tantrums when angry.
- He likes to control the situation and surround himself with other children who follow him as a leader.
- Gets extremely angry, even at things that should not provoke that reaction. For example, if you ask him to pack up his things, he may show 'annoyance' and complain, but if he screams, cries, kicks ... his anger is excessive.
- Threatens other children and is capable of ridiculing them in front of others.
- Forbid other children to do things. They believe they have enough power to impose rules even on their parents.
2. Your child needs you to react urgently and help him. When your child begins to dominate at home, to 'bully' his parents, all these circumstances occur:
- He is capable of breaking personal objects of his parents or other children to 'harm'.
- Constantly assaults other children and he says it is 'playing'.
- His games are aggressive. It always ends up hurting another child.
- He likes to push and hit other children. You receive numerous complaints from other parents or the school.
- Try to isolate other children.
3. Your child needs help from a specialist. When you cannot control this situation, it is time to ask an expert for urgent help. Pay attention to these signs:
- Has ever threatened other children (or their parents) with an object that could hurt. Even a knife.
- Throws death threats at other children.
- Bullying or harassing another child.
Identifying the degree of violence in a child is very important. It is the only way to stop behaviors that can disrupt your life (and that of others) in time.
The ideal would be not to reach point two on the violence meter. How? Before your child's first violent games, you should always be clear about one thing: teach him the difference between play and damage.
- Teach your child to play without using violence.
- Don't let him keep playing with others if he causes harm other children. Explain the difference between playing and hurting.
- Look for exercises that help you better channel your emotions, such as mindfulness. Bet on exercises andgames that help your child relax.
- The most violent children actually feel a lot of distress. You must try to find the origin of that anguish to find the solution.
- Strengthen your child's self-esteem and try to improve his tolerance for frustration.
- Never yell at him or be violent towards his acts of violence. He has to see calm and common sense in you. You are their example. If before one of his aggressive seizures, you show yourself calm and try to convey calmness, then you can talk to him and explain why this is bad behavior.
- Praise each of their good behavior. If he calms down, exposes his concerns, or after a 'fit of rage' he calmly reflects and realizes his mistake.
- Avoid triggers. That is: if you know that your child may have a rage when you tell him to stop playing, use a 'notice'. It usually works: 'you have 10 minutes left to turn off the console'. He will protest, but he will not reach the crisis of anger. When you tell them the 10 minutes are up, they will protest again, but you will avoid a 'tantrum'.
You can read more articles similar to Violentometer to measure violence against children, in the category of On-site Education.