Talking with our children is very important, but fostering communication with them is just as important as the way we do it. Sometimes we are not aware of the power of words, so it is essential to know how the way we communicate with them can influence children.
Talking nice to children does not mean saying only good or positive things. To speak beautifully is to try not to shout, to modulate our tone of voice, it is to avoid saying things we "later regret." We must bear in mind that words can have the same emotional charge or more than a hug or a kiss.
Let's think about the times we have said or heard a child say phrases like ... "I can't with you", (one day our child is especially "intense" and doesn't pay attention) or a child breaks something and we let him go " how clumsy you are "or" you are a big man "or cry because we have scolded him and we say" don't be whiny ". Harsh words, yes, but at some point some of us may escape.These words, or rather their meaning, go directly to the center of the child, to his self-esteem and self-assurance. Let us remember that the safety of the little ones, their self-esteem, is formed on the image that the figures of reference have of him, that is, on what father and mother think of him.
But it is not only the words that can hurt, but also how we say them. The tone we use can sometimes be aggressive, (you want to stop !!!!!), we yell, we speak badly, and we do not realize the emotional charge that our messages have.
If we are trying to calm our child down, because he is nervous, or is crying about something, and I yell at him, not only do we not reassure him, butwe increase your discomfort.
Furthermore, it is not easy to compensate or mitigate the damage.. If we try to compensate that "you are stupid" one day, with an "you are special" another, we are ambivalent with the children, (as soon as I am the best as I am stupid?) And it generates more insecurity, they do not know what to expect or how to act sometimes.
If we often lose patience, we yell at them, we speak very curtly,but at the same time we tell them that they are what we love the most in the world and that they are the best, we teach them a very contradictory pattern of behavior, (can we speak badly to whom we want?)
This is another aspect to consider. We adults model the behavior of children, and they become a bit of our reflection. If I am used to shouting, it is normal for my son to shout,If I tell him that he is stupid, surely one day he will tell me, or other children because they learn that this is the way to relate to others.
Let's think of ourselves as adultsDoesn't it hurt us that they speak badly to us, or yell at us, or tell us that we are clumsy? Can't it make us doubt ourselves or damage our self-esteem if whoever tells me is important to us?
What is talking nice to children? To speak beautifully is not to shout, to speak well to them, with affection and respect. It is using positive language, which does not mean that we say only good things to them, but that we avoid expressions such as "you are a whiner" or "you seem silly". It is talking to them with a warm tone, with affection, but without being "geeky". It is understanding that the emotional charge that we put on what we say directly affects their self-esteem and self-concept.
Therefore, we can say that speaking to children well:
- It is good for your emotional development, psychological and social.
- Influences their self-esteem and self-confidence.
- They model a kind of respectful behavior with the rest.
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